If you haven’t already, I recommend that you read my previous post (“first reactions“) before you go any further.

I won’t ever profess to know just how you feel, but I do know how incredibly overwhelming it all felt for me at the start, and so I tried to provide some insights into what you might expect and provide tips to help you cope better.

Hearing that I was going to die from my cancer was… well, there really aren’t any words to describe what it was, and I’ve never felt so vulnerable as I did when I received my cancer diagnosis (terminal or not). It was as though my whole life could just crumble away around me at any moment. Truly heartbreaking.

For me, this was the most confusing and emotional time in my cancer journey, and what I remember most was hugging my mam, crying, and telling her how sorry I was. I genuinely felt as though I had let her down in some way, which, apart from obviously not being true, can be a common and natural reaction that you might have.

I feel very fortunate to be part of a close family because this helps me to feel supported and know that I don’t have to cope with cancer alone. I did struggle to talk about my thoughts and emotions at first but, over time, this has become easier and I do find that talking about my situation helps; specifically talking about death and dying – although you should only do this when you are ready, and in your own way.

Another thing I was aware of was that other people didn’t know how to respond to my situation or what to say to me and it can be helpful to remember that this might be a very upsetting time for them too. I have a wife and a daughter, and the idea of leaving them was extremely distressing (even now). I would worry about how they were going to cope, and I hated seeing them so upset.

What I found, however, was that being open and honest with the people I love wasn’t just a relief for me, it was a relief for them too and, being able to cry together; get angry together; sit in silence together… was a big part of me being able to accept what was happening and the start of me being able to make plans for the future, however long I might have – No one can actually tell you how long you have left and the best they might be able to do is give you an idea. I was told it could be as little as two months and it has been nearly two years.

Talking about death and dying helped me make some sort of sense of the situation, and hopefully, that’s what I can do for you with this blog. I was surprised to learn that I knew so very little about cancer and that very few people actually talk about the reality of what it means to live with cancer or cancer treatment.

I want to let people know that all of those things you are feeling and doing are likely common and natural responses to a diagnosis, and whilst none of it might feel normal, it can at least be perfectly understandable. I also want you to know that it’s possible to reach a place where you feel less overwhelmed by your emotions and more in control to move forward with a sense of hope.

One thing that I said in my previous post that is worth repeating here is that I may have terminal cancer, BUT this doesn’t mean that I am dying. Not right now. They expect the disease to be the cause of my death, and that may turn out to be true but, actually, right now I feel like I’m thriving – incidentally, cancer thriver is a term that I only came across fairly recently. The American Cancer Society defines a cancer thriver as:

“someone who uses their cancer experience as opportunity for personal growth and focuses on quality of life and living as well as possible”

That makes perfect sense to me, and if it sounds like something you can (or would like to) relate to, then you’re in the right place.

What’s the alternative, doc?

I want to be really honest here because I can’t tell you that reading my posts will save your life. You might have done what I did at the start and, if so, you’ve already spent countless hours searching the Internet for anything that can treat cancer or, better yet, cure it. Indeed, one of the things I read was that cancer patients should take Dog Worm Tablets!

Okay, so that example is a bit extreme, and I’m not saying that there isn’t some truth in the power of alternative therapies. There are plenty of stories of people who have cured their cancer with dietary supplements, botanicals, and other nutritional products. Usually (not always), however, that person had an early-stage cancer or chose not to have adjuvant chemotherapy, i.e., chemotherapy given after surgery to reduce the risk of cancer returning. HINT the surgery was the cure.

The other point to consider is that even if it worked for that person, there’s nothing to say that it will work for you. This could be true of conventional treatment, too, of course, but I do believe that if a cancer can’t be cured by conventional cancer treatment, it will not be cured by alternative therapy. I certainly wasn’t willing to take that chance, as brutal as my chemotherapy was.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t been down that road, or even that I haven’t benefited from it. I’m a huge advocate of complimentary therapy, and I’ve made radical changes to my diet and lifestyle, which undoubtedly have helped me live longer and have a better quality of life. The difference is I have done this alongside medical treatments, and not instead of.

There’s a vulnerability that exists when you’re living with cancer which means you will probably try just about anything, and part of the problem is that it can be really hard to separate opinions from fact. What I found, however, was that the ‘evidence’ being presented is often misleading or doesn’t add up to any meaningful conclusions and people who choose alternative therapies generally have worse survival rates than those who receive conventional treatments.

You should make up your own mind of course and it’s not my place to tell you what to do. It’s your life, and you must make the decisions that are important to you. There’s no judgement here, but make sure you do your research, get advice, and check that it is as safe as possible because many of these can be unsafe and cause harmful side effects.

Unfortunately, not all of us will survive our cancer diagnosis, but we can all choose to live our best lives with cancer and the good news is that there is a set of basic guidelines I live my life by that have helped me. Not only that, but I’m able to share these with you quite easily, and I won’t be charging you a thing.

What I want, more than anything, is for my blog to be REAL and I want to live, I am living, and chances are, if you’re reading this, you want to live too.

Before you go

As someone living with cancer, it feels pretty normal to me to worry about all kinds of things, to break down, to cry… That’s why I also connected with services like Macmillan Cancer Support (in the UK), and I’m actively involved with a local cancer charity, Team Solan.

I’ve gained a lot by reaching out to support groups, and although I haven’t had counselling for my diagnosis, I have had it in the past, and it can be helpful.

Whatever you decide, coping with cancer isn’t something you should ever have to do alone.