Happy Valentine’s Day to all you romantics and lovers out there reading this. It can be a great time to remind someone that you are thinking about them, or to think about someone who is no longer in your life if that feels okay to you. Showing someone that you care about them doesn’t have to involve a big gesture, often the most meaningful things in life are the smallest, but it could make a big difference to how that person is feeling.

As someone living with cancer, I don’t always feel very romantic and my feelings towards intimacy can vary. This was particularly noticeable when I was having chemotherapy. What has been so important to me though is knowing that my wife has been there; I truly couldn’t do this without her and that’s why I surprised her today with some small gifts. It was my way of showing her how much I appreciate her and how much she means to me. Likewise, it can be the perfect opportunity to show someone living with cancer how special they are, which might just take their mind off the disease, even for a moment.

Living with cancer presents many challenges and it can help to be reminded that an intimate relationship doesn’t have to be a sexual one. When I have a bad day, I’m in pain or I’m dealing with the side-effects of cancer treatment, I like nothing better than cosying up to my wife on the sofa and watching something familiar and comfortable. This sense of closeness and togetherness, for me, is the only thing that can take those physical or emotional pains away and so this post is dedicated to my long-suffering wife, and to those of you who may have loved and lost – one of the things that stuck with me from when I was training to be a grief counsellor was that the pain you feel when someone dies is testament to the love you shared, and I think that is pretty special indeed.

Me and my wife on Holiday in Lapland. Photo taken 28 November 2024.

Like a cancer-stricken karate champion…

Of course, you can love other things in your life too and one of things I love is the TV show ‘Cobra Kai’. Hear me out. Not only is it the follow-on we didn’t know we needed to The Karate Kid (1984), one of my all-time favourite films, but it also happens to be full of great life lessons that can be applied to any cancer journey. In fact, I could write an entire post on this – but I won’t (I might haha). Needless to say, I’ve been a fan since it was released on YouTube in 2018 so when the show’s creators announced in 2023 that there would be a sixth and final series, of course I was excited. And then… then I received my terminal diagnosis. Not only that but I was told I might only live for two months. The series hadn’t even started filming yet!

Despite this devastating diagnosis, I was determined that I was going to see the final series and to show how sincere I was I told anyone who would listen. And then… then the American Writers Strike hit and filming was delayed. And then… then when it was finally completed, Netflix decided it would be released in three parts between July 2024 and February 2025. The odds were firmly stacked against me; the challenges seemingly insurmountable and yet, like a cancer stricken karate champion, there I was last night (13 February 2025) watching the final part of the final series, nearly two years after it was announced.

When you’re living with cancer, life will knock you down. A lot. It’s physically and mentally exhausting and I find that I’m having to constantly get back up. Wins like this help. Some people have natural resilience but for others, like me, it is something which has to be learned. The good news is that this is possible. True strength isn’t the absence of fear, but the ability to face it and rise above it. There are times when I feel discouraged, disheartened even, and yet I persevere through it all. I do this for me and I do this for my family – because I know perseverance is crucial on my cancer journey. Again, the good news is that this is something that grows the more you do it. You just have to believe.

“For what it’s worth, it was always about the journey, not the destination” – Mr Miyagi

If you or your loved one can’t face going out tonight then it can be a perfect opportunity to stay at home – and watch The Karate Kid (it’s also a love story!). There are many reasons why you might not feel like going out, especially during cancer treatment, and so a night in with a favourite movie and a cozy and comfortable environment might just be what is needed. I cherish these memories with my wife and daughter and I’m sure that they do too. It can provide a sense of safety and security and reduce some of the anxiety that comes with living with cancer.

So that’s it, my Valentine’s Day message to you. I’m off to listen to the new album by The Lumineers, ‘Automatic’. I’ve followed The Lumineers since they released their first album in 2012! And it feels perhaps fitting that they would release a new album on Valentine’s Day since their songs have often dealt with love and romance – although I have a feeling that this album might be deceptively depressing. One for earlier in the day then. After all, we can always listen to Luther Vandross later if I’m still awake! Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone.