So live it. Or you’re better off dead.

I closed the last post with a question: Are you happy, healthy and fulfilled?

More importantly, I asked you to be honest. Why? Because I don’t think it’s possible to live your best life unless you can be honest with yourself about what your best life is.

Being honest with yourself isn’t always easy. But then none of this is easy. It isn’t about being hard on yourself either (although it does mean asking yourself some hard questions). Honesty, or a lack of, is something which may have been learned from a very young age, and while some people may naturally find being honest easy, it can be more challenging for others.

Thanks to the rise of social media and AI, it can also be difficult to know what’s real and what isn’t. Social media has many advantages but it also makes it easy to show only the good things in life when the reality is that many people on social media are actually living carefully curated fake lives and manipulating their posts to present a perfect image to the world.

This can make you feel like your own life isn’t good enough. You might do things you think should make you happy; you might even make something up or pretend to be something that you’re not  all of which can have implications for your mental health and your ability to be honest.

We can all be self-critical. Indeed, I had three years of intense psychotherapy for crippling high levels of shame and self-criticism. If that’s you, then now good be a good time to practice being kind to yourself, because the good news is that you have an opportunity to look beyond all of that and, like me, you can move forward with a sense of renewed purpose.

The other good news is that honesty is something that can be cultivated through conscious effort. So why not start straight away by again asking yourself:

How happy, healthy and fulfilled do I feel right now?

Maybe you thought you were but hearing that you have cancer has changed what’s important to you; or maybe you realised that you were living this ‘so-called’ best life that we’re all subjected to; that you’ve been living someone else’s best life. I’ve lived them all.

To be clear, this isn’t about perfection (what is perfection anyway). My life might seem a little bit boring at times because, in between the amazing adventures I’ve had, there are plenty of dull and uneventful days. I’m okay with that, though. I love my life, and I’ve accepted who I am. At the same time, however, I’m putting in the work to make change a reality. Believe me, it doesn’t really matter how you got here. What’s important now is that you are ready to be the person you always knew you could be.

I call this my most authentic self because I’m no longer waiting around for something good to happen, and I’m finally taking responsibility for my own wellbeing. It can feel selfish go focus on yourself for a change, but actually what I’ve found is that once you start taking care of yourself, others can benefit too and there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m now a better husband, a better father… a better person, really. I’m all of these things. Cancer doesn’t have to be the thing that defines you.  

At the end of the day, I’m just a fairly unremarkable person living with cancer and yet, I find what I’m trying to do is anything but and if I can inspire people to change even one thing then that’s going to be pretty amazing. By the way, you might think that you already have a remarkable life and there’s nothing wrong with that. Only you know what truly makes you happy. It certainly isn’t my intention to tell you what that is.

I have had some of my best moments living with cancer and sure, I love to spoil myself every so often with expensive things or exiting holidays (which is definitely a change for me but it’s now or never) but what I’ve come to realise is that, more than anything, it’s the connections that I have with people that have had the biggest impact on me.

Indeed, I try to spend time with friends and family every day. Good relationships are so important for your mental health, especially when you’re living with cancer, and even something as simple as eating together as a family can make a difference. I like to go and visit someone, maybe someone I haven’t seen for a while and I’m much more sociable than I used to be. Technology, too, can play a part, and I’ve been able to connect with so many new people this way. Just make sure that it isn’t the only way you build or maintain relationships. 

Food is medicine, but so is laughter

Now might be a good time to check in and look at some of the things we’ve discussed so far:

• Eat a healthy, balanced diet.
• Build and maintain positive connections.
• Stay physically active and learn new skills.
• Be completely honest with yourself.
• Life is for living. So live it!

At the end of the day, diet and lifestyle are all about balance and, just like there isn’t any one food or food group that can fight cancer, there isn’t any one activity or step that’s going to take care of me emotionally. What’s been most helpful has been deciding on what things are important to me in my everyday life – of course, I’m not actually teaching you anything new here. Similar principles can be found all over the world, often in the places where people typically live the longest. Coincidence?

I’ve spent almost two years researching things like prevention and treatment of cancer, longevity, living well, nutrition, and natural therapies. Now I’m sharing what I’ve learned with you. These are simply things that make sense to me, and hopefully, they make sense to you too (or at least are maybe starting toll). I certainly won’t be recommending anything that I think could be unsafe or harmful in any way, and everything I discuss comes from my own experience.

I’m not doing this to make any money. I’m doing it because I truly believe that you, like me, can live in a way that means you are happy, healthy, and fulfilled… even if you weren’t before your diagnosis… and that once you start practising these ideas every day, they are going to help you feel more positive and live your best life. If you’re going to strive for anything, strive to be authentic and genuine.

One final thing I want to make absolutely clear is that none of this means that you should suppress any negative emotions. Living with any cancer diagnosis can be like a whirlwind of feelings that can leave you confused and exhausted and things like fear, sadness and anger can be common and healthy responses to the situation. You shouldn’t, however, feel like this all of the time and, if you are worried about your mental health, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help or support. I haven’t done all of this alone and it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Oh, and don’t forget to hit the ‘Like’ button below haha